hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
