It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
