its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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