I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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