just come out here and I will go home with you...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
