Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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