I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
