so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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