Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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