Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
