My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Slut skills are useful in every country.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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