im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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