so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
