with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
