well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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