So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
