if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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