just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
