Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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