I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Alive.
So much puke
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
