All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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