upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
