I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
