Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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