Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize