Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
