I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
