I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
