I am puke
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
