If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
