I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
