How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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