You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
