What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
