Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
