yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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