god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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