he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she told me i tasted like america
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
