Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
