once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
