Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
