I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
