its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
