He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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