exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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