Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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