New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
