So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize