So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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