Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
