Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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