So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
