Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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