Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
