If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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