i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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