I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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