normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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