i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
