Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
