Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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