I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
only you would photoshop your dick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
