im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize