I think I died a long time ago.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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