my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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