You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
